Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
