I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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