My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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