dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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