Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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