Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
