I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
