I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
