Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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