I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
