I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
