You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
