Just fell off a train. Bad.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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