ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
