yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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