it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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