I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
