I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
