O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
