She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
