Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
