hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
