I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
