Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
