WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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