So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
