i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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