those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize