ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
