Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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