Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
