I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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