i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
