I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
