dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
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