My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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