i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
