I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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