The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
