That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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