At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just google imaged poop.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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