he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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