i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I party with great urgency now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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