the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
