Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
