If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
