I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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