I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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