I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
