You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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