Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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