i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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