I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
