so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
