felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
