If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
