i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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