ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
