my vag is so smooth its legendary
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
