Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
