I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
