i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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