I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
this hospital has no fireball
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
