Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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