I want to stick my p in your. b.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize