Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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