I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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