She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
