Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize