She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
