I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
