I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
