You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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