I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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