Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
