I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
