Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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