Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
