Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
