Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
